Two days ago, I drafted a blog post sharing how stressed, scared, and sad I've been feeling lately (only S feelings allowed) about everything that's going on. But I just wasn't ready to publish it yet. And it turns out that the act of writing about it was once again a salve, as it always has been in my life. I am feeling much more serene (there's an S again...), despite the fact that today I not only wrangled the kids to daycare alone on time, but also did so while leaving the house in (mostly) immaculate condition for the realtor to take photos of it!! Ta da! I will accept the Superwoman award now.
It's been hard for me to write lately, as I struggle with how much to share. I think of the different audiences that read this blog, and it's hard to know how honest to be. The candidates who would give a lot to be in my shoes, the family members who are wondering what we are thinking, the friends who are rooting us on...for each group I would write a bit differently.
But I'm the daughter of two shrinks, and I think of the blogs I read that were painfully honest and helped me realistically weigh this life, so I'm opting for sharing my feelings right now.
I'm sad about leaving New Rochelle and our cute little street. Which is ironic and somewhat frustrating, because I also remember writing here about how miserable I was at the thought of staying in New Rochelle and our 'boring NY life' indefinitely. And I realize that I am purposefully entering a lifestyle in which I'm going to do this to myself and my children over and over again. I've been working to reframe this feeling and just be grateful for the time that I spent here. I'm trying to accept that the sadness means that I lived somewhere special that I loved. There are other beautiful places in the world waiting for me to call them home, but I can't do that until I leave New Rochelle.
I've been sad about seeing our house all fixed up and looking prettier. We did our best, but never found the time/energy/money to really make it look nice. I will especially miss our backyard and patio. I couldn't have asked for a better outdoor space, and I feel like we didn't use it enough. But I know at least some of my future homes will have wonderful outdoor spaces, too.
I'm scared and sad about what my children are about to experience in the next few months. 4yo M is so sweet and vulnerable. He is gobbling up news about our move, but I know in his head, he's moving from one "home" to another. Whereas the reality is that this next home might be just for a month. Or 3 mos. Or 12. I mean, who on earth knows? While I understand the rationale behind not telling him too much, especially when I don't really have information to share, I also don't want him to be blindsided when we ship out to Kolkata, for example. I've mentioned that we don't know how long we'll live in VA and it might be for a short time, and he tells me he wants to stay in VA for a long time. Thoughts on handling information sharing at this age would be helpful indeed.
There are definitely other stressors, but those are the ones I can share right now. I am trying to take it just one day at a time. And I am very grateful to be starting this journey, despite the scariness of it all.
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10 comments:
All I can say is that I know exactly how you feel. We are having an initial UAB shipment picked up at our house on Friday and I am so sad because it will mean the beginning of the end. We love our little house (key word little)! As great as the adventures ahead seem, they don't compare right now to home! The only thing that I can tell you is that Donny says that it is easier when you get to D.C. because it feels more like a beginning than an ending. Good luck!
Kids are more resilient than we often give them credit for. The last year has been one of constant upheaval and our two (ages 4 and 2) have handled it far better than the adults in the equation.
We have tried to focus on the fun stuff, new state, new house, new bunk bed, new school and not worry about nitty gritty matters that don't mean anything to them anyway. With our 4 year old, we looked up links online for the air and space museum, the washington monument and the Nationals baseball team to get him excited about our move.
We will be here 2 years, so the impermanence is not extreme - but for months this year we lived in suitcases with family and in hotels. What matters is that you are constant in their lives and the things they love are with them. That in place, they can handle just about anything you throw at them.
Deep breaths, it's going to be fine, you'll see.
We gave up our dream house on an idyllic island to do this. Everyone thought we were crazy, but we knew how that story would play out. Now, the excitement of not knowing how our new story will play out is keeping us going. And as far as kids go, as long as they have a safe, loving home life, they will bounce back from anything. And yes, I'm giving MYSELF this pep talk as I write this.
Very honest and interesting. Funny how our perceptions of situations depends are what is happening. Thanks for sharing!
Everything will be fine. Don't stress too much. As a child I moved around a lot and those moves were the best times of my life...
As a child I didn't move much at all and it seemed like so much fun. In the first few years of our marriage, my husband and I moved quite a bit (sometimes more than once a year) and it got tiring after a while, so we decided it was time to settle down. We bought a home and had a kid. Seven years later we got tired of living in the same place (even though it was beautiful). That's when the FS offer came and it couldn't have come at a better time for us. We were ready to explore the world again.
We do share everything with our daughter. When my husband applied for the FS, she was about 5. We talked to her about this cool job that could take us to the most amazing places in the world. She's been very excited about the multiple moves and the new things we've seen and experienced along the way. Kids see how we process information and mimic us. If they see you are excited about something, they are likely to find it exciting as well. If you are feeling apprehensive, they'll probably pick up on that too. You may want to explain your feelings in terms they'll understand, so they don't freak out.
That said, feeling apprehensive is very normal under the circumstances. The good news - that too shall pass. There are many exciting things in store for you...
It is perfectly normal to have these feelings and even better to acknowledge them. In my opinion, it doesn't make you any less qualified or ready.
Kids are really amazing. They can usually adapt to just about anything. It is good to talk to them about it, just like it was good for you to write it out, sometimes kids just want to talk about their concerns. When I was moving as a kid, I would have concerns, but it was just little things, that were usually not a big deal, but I wanted someone to care about my worries.
I also have seen that kids will respond how their parents do. If you are excited and talk about the good things, they will be excited too.
Good luck.
There's no doubt that bouncing around may be hard on your kids in that moment. However, while you're taking away one kind of life for them, you're giving them another - one that will give them incredible experiences and (hopefully) make them more worldly, confident, resilient. However, in the interim, it seems natural to have mixed feelings. Getting the call is a big deal - and it's highly coveted - but it's also tumultuous and scary.
This are just the nicest and most thoughtful comments. thank you, everyone. Feeling so much better!
I have missed multiple posts apparently, being that we were on vacation in France, and I was mostly away from the internet! Remember the perks though, that being one right there...you can take vacations like that and see the world:) Anyway, I think you are great for being honest like this. It is important, and does really help I think! Yes, it is perfectly normal and I think many many of us have felt the exact same way. There are so many things that are so hard, yet SO many things that are and will be SO rewarding.
Kids are so amazing though, and yes it will be tough at times, but really they can handle so much more than adults I think sometimes! I have even tried to tell myself to think like my 5 year old sometimes when I'm freaking out. We told him pretty much all that was going on, but always made sure to be very excited about it too him. They totally go off of you, and yes...make sure to talk to them about their concerns, but if you help make it happy and exciting they can truly bounce back from so much. School has helped so much too, it has been the best thing for my 5 year old, it is such a great school, and he is getting such an amazing education, and eating up all of his new friends. I do also agree with above too, that when you are living in DC (at Oakwood?) it really helps make it feel like such a fun beginning and that you are part of a whole new family...we loved our time in training! Also, you will probably be there at least 2-3 months, we didn't have anyone who left sooner, so at least there's that. you will do great! I find it is the best to seriously, just take one day at a time...it will fly by and you will be so amazed at yourself:)
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