A new plan

I spent the weekend preparing myself for not passing the test. I truly appreciate all the supportive comments both here and in person, but I like to be realistic, and I really think there's no way.

I'm proud of myself, though, because in just a few weeks, I got my grammar and ease of speaking back up to par. I know if it was based on the first part of the test, or a more normal conversation about life, I would pass. But frankly, I hate abstract conversations in English too. Try to talk to me about spirituality and I will politely ease myself out of the conversation. My downfall was in not preparing for this part. I should have listed 30 abstract topics and made myself discuss them for 5 minutes, first in English, then in Spanish. I got nervous because I wasn't prepared for this part. Next time, I'll be ready.

The truth is that joining a fall A100 class is not great timing, for a few reasons:

1) we would have to scramble insanely to get our house ready to sell within a month. Even the thought is painful. And it probably wouldn't have sold in time, which means I would have moved to VA by myself with the kids, and left my husband behind to keep working in order to afford the mortgage. I know A100 is crazy and I would have been exhausted, but it was the only option, given my husband's insane hours.

2) My boss, a prominent NYC physician, is probably going to move to a new location for the first time in 8 years. Let's just say that my leaving in the middle of it would not have gone over well. She doesn't know anything about the FS (my security investigators were kind enough to interview coworkers instead). As much as I don't like the job or her, I would've felt pretty bad about that.

3) The kids just adjusted to their new daycare. More change so soon would be really hard on them.

So now it's looking like I'll take the test again in December. I'm hearing rumors that hiring may decrease in FY11, so this could get a lot more difficult.

While my mom was here over the weekend, I asked her advice about getting through MORE waiting, especially since the thought of another NY winter makes me so depressed. My mom happens to be a psychologist as well as an awesome mama.

Her main advice was to try to take care of ourselves through this. Find a way to exercise. Eat well. And keep working gradually on my Spanish, rather than waiting until November to gear up again. Ok. I can do these things.

I'm also thinking about going to language school in Central America for a week- I can't believe how cheap language school is! I'm not really sure if I need it or if it would be possible to leave the kids given my husband's schedule, but I think I'll start doing some research. It will give me a break from my obsession with FS. Any recommendations? My Peace Corps volunteer brother is in Nicaragua right now at a language school (yes, it all runs in the family- I'm so proud!) so he'll have the inside scoop for me.

And maybe this fall I'll finally make plans to go cross country skiing after years of wanting to try it....I won't be doing that when I get assigned to San Jose!