I knew learning Mandarin would be hard, but knowing that abstractly and experiencing the challenge are two different things. Oh my goodness, this is hard.
It's been a while since I learned a new language- 17 years in fact (how can that be!?). I started learning Spanish in 7th grade, so the last time I was studying at FSI, I was already quite comfortable with the language. I learned Hausa, a West African language, from zero when I was in Peace Corps Niger, and I remember that it was hard. Hausa has some interesting sounds which I learned to make in time, but the basic language is pretty easy to pronounce. In contrast, Mandarin pronunciation is so challenging. Even after 3 weeks, my pronunciation is stilted and wrong most of the time. My teachers make sounds I really can't reproduce. It is humbling.
When we learn a new vocabulary word, we have to learn the meaning (keeping in mind that many words/sounds have multiple meanings), how to pronounce it (which is counterintuitive to what I want to say when I look at it, and keeping in mind the 5 tones which change the meaning entirely), AND memorize the Chinese character(s) that represents it.
Oh, the characters.
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We started out by learning pinyin, a standard system of romanized spelling of Chinese sounds that allows foreigners or non-Mandarin readers to read aloud, even if they don't know the meaning. So I guess I thought the teachers would really hold our hands and gently introduce us to reading characters. We had two "intro to reading" classes that I really resisted psychologically. It was so hard already that I really didn't feel like I could take on anymore. I missed out on some important basics of reading characters because I was so resistant to it.
But I really didn't have a choice, did I? I had to get with the program. So I learned the characters in our reading book, about 8 characters a night. The teachers didn't tell us we were supposed to be memorizing the characters from our textbook too (a good 20-30 per lesson). So the first time the teacher put up slides with only characters on them, I panicked. My classmates could read them, and I couldn't.
After an intense week cramming characters, I managed to kind of catch up to my classmates in terms of reading. I am really struggling with my memory- I can't remember certain characters, even after seeing them a hundred times. I am trying to employ all kinds of memory tricks, but they are not really working with this 40 year old brain of mine.
I admit I've already cried twice in class. But after one of my really bad days, an A-100 friend of mine who is three months ahead of me gave me a great pep talk. Since then, I've been trying to take his advice: a) look at what I can already say, rather than how much I can't, b) do as much as I can do, but don't kill myself for not doing more, c) don't compare myself to others- all that matters is my own progress, and c) learn more about memory and how to retain more of what I see.
This week, I feel ok. I did well on our first quiz, which was great for my confidence. I have my new Iphone, flashcards all set up, and a method to studying. That all helps.
Now, a little info on how my course is organized, for anyone who is interested. I have been allotted 36 weeks to reach the goal of a 2 in speaking (I think this means basic proficiency) and a 1 in reading (elementary proficiency). At the end of my training course, I will take a test, and if I don't pass, I must study for another month (and arrive late to post). Luckily, the Chinese department monitors our progress along the way and offers more help if someone is not progressing as she/he should. Still, in the end, each person is responsible for her/his own language achievement.
My 36 week cohort consists of 12 people (only one EFM, or spouse of an officer), 3 per class. We are on the late shift, which means we have class from 10:40am-12:40pm, and then again from 2:40pm-5:30pm. Lest you think I am sleeping until 10am, let me reassure you that actual Chinese class is only a part of the learning plan. We are expected to do at least 3 hours of outside homework and lab work to make up an 8 hour day, but I'm putting in at least 5 outside class (2-2.5 in the morning before class, 1-1.5 during lunch, and 2 more at home) for a daily total between 10-11 hours. And that is just to stay afloat, not race ahead. If I had more hours in the day, I could do much more.
This is one of those times when it is hard to balance my job with the rest of my life. On the one hand, I am loving this year. It is so cool that I am being paid to learn Chinese. We are enjoying being in the U.S. and all the DC area has to offer. But it is hard being a mom studying Chinese. I wish I didn't have to worry about studying over the weekends, but I need to do at least 2 hours/day. When you add in all the activities we're doing, we are crazy busy every weekend.
The good news is that despite my moments of panic and feeling like a wet noodle at the end of every day, I am enjoying myself. I love the musicality of Mandarin. I long for the day when I can speak with some degree of ease!
One day at a time.
