Making my list, checking it twice...

No, not that list, silly! We're Jewish!

My summertime excursion list. The list was born last year when I realized that the previous spring/summer had sped by without our going to the pool, beach, or other fun sites as often as I had planned back in January. I realized we hadn't done a very good job of exploring Westchester county, which happens to be filled with pretty parks, historic sites, nature preserves, you name it.

And that's just unacceptable.

Now, we didn't hit that many spots last year, which I definitely blame on the weather- it rained until July 4- as well as the difficulty of excursions with 2 toddlers who don't nap at the same time.

Oh, and a husband who doesn't quite enjoy excursions (read: getting up early) as much as I do. Or sandy beaches. Or going somewhere if we don't know where we're going.

But I think he has come to appreciate my efforts and enjoy our outings. Right, honey?

So, here's the Summer 2010 List, as it stands right now. This is mostly for my own information and so I can find the list again! I'll be adding to it regularly. If you know something great, let me know!


- The Beach, such as Cedar Beach, Point Lookout beach on LI (and others?)
- The Pool, such as Willson's Waves, Saxon Woods
- Rye Playland
- Rockefeller State Preserve
- Canopus Beach at Fahnestock State Park, near Cold Spring
- Kensico Dam (ethnic festivals)
- Croton Dam/Croton Gorge Park
- Sesame Place (weekend trip)
- Stone Barn agricultural center in Pocantico Hills
- Muscoot Farm
- Van Saun County Park
- Cranberry Lake Preserve

My latest obsession: lunch for the kids!

So, have I mentioned I have an obsessive mind? You might have noticed. Thankfully, for the past few days, I've had a new obsession: healthy lunches and accessories for my kids, who are starting a new daycare in a month.

I haven't had to pack lunches for 3 years, as my awesome daycare provider prepared healthy, hot Ecuadorian lunches every day for them. I remember what a relief it was when I could stop worrying about lunch. Boy, will I miss her, for this and many other reasons.

So in typical B style, I have been scouring the web and Amazon for lunch ideas, lunch boxes, lunch containers, napkins, sandwich holders, thermoses, you name it. And I've been getting a little excited about buying cute stuff and making sure they have well-balanced meals and snacks daily. And creating weekly lunch menus, as well as food lists for when I'm stuck in a rut.

I have all sorts of goals:
- I want to be as green as possible and rely on reusable containers.
- I want to provide them with a varied diet and reduce the cracker/goldfish type snacks we've been eating.
- I want to expand their palates and expose them to new foods.

I've found all sorts of fun ideas, like this EasyLunchbox system (I LOVE systems and programs!), these tupperware containers, these little dip containers, millions of Bento box links, like laptop lunches and blogs like this one . I will admit that the Bento thing appeals to my precise nature, but I think it's just a little too much work. I think I'm going to go with the Easy Lunchbox system- one container to wash per child.

And then there is the question of water/juice bottles. I don't want to send juice/milk boxes daily. We had these these Thermos ones last year, and they were leak-free and great. But I'm wondering if Sigg bottles are a better way to go, though I read some complaints about the lid and the company itself. 

Since my kids are not huge fans of sandwiches (I blame my husband, who hates sandwiches. What? How can you hate sandwiches? There's nothing better than a good sandwich!!) or trying new things, I am going to start introducing these foods now (we have a month until daycare) and trying to be more firm about eating what's in front of them rather than filling up on snacks.

Such fun!

I'm curious how my new friends abroad handle all this. Do your kids eat the local foods? Do you find yourself shipping snacks from the States? Do you send lunches to foreign schools? I know in some places, like Venezuela where I lived for a year, the kids come home for a large meal at lunchtime. Is that common elsewhere? Love to hear your thoughts on this.

Oh, come on!

Last week, it seemed as though we were leaning towards joining the FS with me as the FSO. My husband was getting excited about having some time off and I was starting to dream about a fall A100 class. Of course, I knew we had issues to discuss and nothing was set in stone, but I started to feel hopeful again.

And then his work offered him an awesome job. A job he's been longing to do, after a year or two of treating my husband like you-know-what. Which requires a year-long contract, most likely (if not longer).

I mean, come on!

Please don't get me wrong. I'm excited and happy for him. He's been wanting to produce a show for years, and I'm happy his wish is coming true, especially after the blow to his ego a few weeks ago. I'm happy they are recognizing him. I don't want him to be miserable, but I will admit that his job unhappiness was helping my FS petition, and in all honesty, this job will probably end up being frustrating too.

But waiting a year might be good for our family - maybe the housing market will improve, M will probably be in kindergarten by the time we join (one less preschool tuition), and most importantly,  D will be able to try again at the OA and hopefully make it through this time.

But another year at my job? Ugh. I have to start job searching again.

It just feels like such a freakin' roller coaster.

Of course, the alternative is just staying put forever and not dreaming. Nope.

Tentative sigh of relief

I think we've found a good childcare center for the kids. It's bright, cheerful, and spacious. The director and teachers are engaged and caring. The play area is large and fun. It has the hours I need and is even located in the parking lot of a grocery store - how convenient! And best of all, the kids will be together in one place.

I really think this will be good for L, who was starting to outgrow her current arrangement. She needs more stimulation, more children around her, more to do. She also needs more, ahem, boundaries and limits. She is getting to be a real pistol.

I worry slightly that M will be going backwards academically, after a year at a private preschool with a very small teacher/child ratio. But I have decided that he will be fine. I mean, really, he's 4 years old (almost). He's smart and has smart, modest parents who read to him daily. He already knows his letters and shapes. I have to believe he'll be able to transition just fine into Kindergarten. Of course, maybe we won't even be here next fall!

And he won't be getting a Jewish education anymore, which will now fall on his dad and I (uh-oh). I guess we will have to be more committed to going to Tot Shabbat and celebrating the holidays at home.

I'm hoping the husband agrees with me that this place is right. If not, we have a strong runner up, but it's much more expensive and slightly more inconvenient. So fingers crossed.

No more room sharing?

I've always loved the idea of my kids sharing a bedroom while they are small. We have a 3br home, and when baby #2 was born, we decided to keep the guest room as is and move baby into her big brother's room once she was sleeping a bit better.

But now she is two, and still waking between 5-530am. I usually go get her quickly so that her brother can keep sleeping, and frankly, I wouldn't mind a little more sleep! So I have finally caved.

Yesterday we moved M's toddler bed into the guest room so that when L wakes in the am, I can take my time going to her, to see if she will 1) fall back asleep or 2) entertain herself a bit.

Something about it made me sad. I think it was seeing him in an adult room, not a room decorated for babies. He is growing up so fast! I don't really plan to put a lot of effort into changing the room, since we're hoping to leave soon (!) but I'll have to do something so it doesn't make me sad every night!

Here's a picture of my big boy- in green shirt. 

Time to focus on Spanish

So it's all still totally up in the air, but I want to take a shot at the Spanish test so that I have a little tiny bit more say over when we start A100 (if we decide to move forward, of course). And a bit more notice- the people in the June class are getting offers now, about 8 weeks before start date! That would really help.

But I'm having trouble motivating to do anything about my Spanish test. I'm not really sure why. I love everything about Spanish, even the grammar! I guess I am just so tired at the end of the day that the thought of sitting down to read online newspapers is not a fun prospect. I'd like to do it on my commute, so maybe I need to get with the 21st century and learn what a podcast is. And I think I'm going to engage some conversation partners to speak with me a few times a week on a set schedule. Luckily, I have two dear Venezuelan friends who will likely be willing. I hear that many people have Venezuelan assessors whose accents they can't understand, so hey- maybe I'll have that going for me. I'd like to find someone else from another country, but don't really want to pay. Maybe I'll try to trade English for Spanish lessons.

I really think with a month of reading the newspapers, watching news, and conversing a few times/week about professional topics, I can pass. My Spanish is pretty strong, but just isn't used much these days (except with my daycare provider).

Alright, I'm writing it down here to publicly state that I'm getting serious. My goal is to test by the end of May.

Housing woes...need some advice

Here's a topic I keep wrestling around in my head. I wonder if some of you can provide some guidance.

Like so many others, we bought a home in the NYC suburbs 3 years ago and it's now worth a lot less. It's an old home and needs updating and caretaking, but is generally pretty solid. It is around the corner from an elementary school and has a lovely backyard which is perfect for kids.

So how do we figure out what to do with it? We wouldn't be able to pay the mortgage on my one FS salary, so we'd need to rent or sell it before we start A100.

Do we put it on the market once I get on the register so that we can be sure it's sold by the time we start A100?
- This assumes my score is solid enough to ensure a quick call, which means trying to pass the Spanish test...
- This also means being prepared to move if it sells before we get the call.
- Do we go DNC until it sells??

Do we put it on the rental market now, to see whether there is interest and what we could get for it?
- I doubt the rental income would cover the mortgage, let alone the property mgmt fee. So how do we know whether the tax breaks even out the shortfall? Consult a tax expert?

What have you done, or what do you plan to do with your home??
Thanks for any insight.

Childcare Transitions

We had a beautiful weekend with family celebrating little Miss L. To my amusement and slight horror, she is becoming very interested in pretty clothes! Her daycare provider gave her a green poufy dress and when she saw it, she literally pounced on it and insisted on putting it on. 2 years old! Really??!!

In other news, our daycare provider just told us she's moving. My stomach just dropped when she told me. I am sad on so many levels. She has cared for our kids with love since M was 1yo and since little L was only 3 mos old. She has spoken to them exclusively in Spanish, and as a result, M speaks Spanish pretty well for a 3yo and L understands and is starting to speak it herself (her version of counting: 1, 2, 3, 6, ocho, diez!)

It looks like we are going to lose not only a wonderful caregiver, but also my children's Spanish ability and my son's Jewish preschool. Luckily, our city has Spanish immersion programs in elementary school, but the Jewish education will be on us. The logistics are just too complicated (and the cost too high) to keep him at his current preschool. At the same time, my husband is returning to a normal M-F early am schedule, which means Daddy drop offs and Daddy Fridays will be no longer.

One advantage I see is that little L is ready for more stimulation, which a daycare center will provide. I know they will both be fine in the end, but the transition may be rocky. I know if we join the FS the kids will do transitions like this all the time. But for now, it feels like a lot and I'm anxious for all of us.

Happy Birthday baby girl!

Two years ago today, you joined our family. In fact, by 6am, we were already nursing and snuggling, having endured a long, long night which featured you not wanting to exit the warm womb. Silly baby! Now look at you! You don't stop for a second, climbing, exploring, going places Mama and Daddy don't want you to go...

Giving me those little sweet kisses, saying, 'I wuv you, mama.' Carrying your little monkey and 'kit-ten' around everywhere, stopping every once in a while to look at them sincerely and give them a kiss and a 'I wuv you' too.

Oh how I love you precious girl. Happy second birthday.

A little perspective

I was reminded this morning to keep it all in perspective. Yes, it was a blow to my husband's pride to not pass the OA. And for the last two years, I've been working at a job I don't like, feeling unappreciated and unchallenged, and looking for a better one. And I really want to join the Foreign Service, but I don't know if we will.

But make no mistake: I know that I am terribly fortunate and now is a good time to remind myself. I have a wonderful husband, two extraordinary children, a job that pays the bills, a roof over our heads, enough food to eat and clothes to wear...I could go on and on. In the grand scheme of things, I am very, very lucky and I am grateful for my blessings.

You know what? It feels good to focus on the positive. And did I mention it's spring in NYC?

In particular, as anyone reading my blog knows already because I can't stop talking about it, I am grateful this week for my baby girl who will be two tomorrow. I keep thinking about my visit to an FSO friend living in Turkmenistan eight years ago (ironically, before I had any interest in the FS). I had just met my future husband but my clock was already ticking furiously. My friend and I visited a fertility tree and I tied a ribbon on it, wishing someday to be the mama of a little girl.

I am so, so thankful that my wish came true.

I love you, sweet L.

Emerging from the darkness

The mood seems to be improving around the B household. D is recovering from the disappointment and mentioned "next time I take it," which I took to be a good sign. We haven't discussed the prospect of us joining with just me...I figure we have time to go there later. But I am forwarding your emails and he's reading your comments and feeling the blog love. Thanks, really.

I'm still dreaming big and far.

And we're looking forward to spring and summer. After more than a year (two years, honey?) of working Sunday-Thursday, D is going back to a regular M-F schedule. Which means, we get our weekends back, just in time for summer in NYC! Which means, we are going swimming every warm weekend we can. I moved to Westchester to have more pool access, so it's time to take advantage (although frankly, it's the weather that often doesn't cooperate!).

And I'm making my list of excursions and hope to hit a lot more this year than last.

In other news, it's almost baby L's birthday. She is an adorable little tyrant. I'm hoping it's the terrible twos and all, but it's a little alarming. Yesterday she hit the babysitter's neighbor when she thought it was my car arriving and turned out to be the neighbor. I'm mortified! She hits us sometimes (just started using time out), but never a stranger. So, we'll be working on discipline this summer and hoping her temper doesn't turn out to be a permanent personality trait. If it does, I can say guilt-free that she got that from Daddy. The determination, the wanting everything her way, the beautiful blue eyes, yes, those are from Mama. But not the temper.

Happier thoughts and menu suggestions!

First I want to thank everyone who has reached out to me after D's OA. It is amazingly helpful to hear from people who understand perfectly- thank you. We're just taking it one day at a time. Inspired by FSOWannabe's great recent blog post, my new motto is: Sannu, sannu, ba ta hana zuwa, which is a Hausa proverb meaning Slowly, slowly, doesn't prevent you from getting there.


In happier news, my baby girl turns TWO this week! I will have to post a picture of the little imp. She is such a delight.

We're having about 5 (adult) family members over for dinner Sat night to celebrate, and I still don't know what to serve them! I'm not a very good cook or party planner but my mom will be around to help me. For some reason, I just can't decide on a menu. All of the women are watching their weight so I don't want to make something cheesy/fattening like lasagna or enchiladas. I thought of serving a big salad bar plus a one-dish meal of some sort, but I'm really grasping at straws. Any ideas??? Thank you!

Melancholy

D jumped in the car and made it home by 10:30pm the day of his OA. I was touched that our family really rallied around him, even those who are not necessarily thrilled about the whole FS idea. Yesterday he seemed to be going through the stages of grief: denial (did they make a mistake?), anger (I'm pissed at State. I didn't really want that job anyway!), I have to check what's next- acceptance? He's just sad, and it really breaks my heart. Despite knowing that thousands of people take it more than once before making it in, it just hurts when it's you.

In some ways, we're still just as uncertain- when I get on the register, then we can reevaluate where he is in the process. One concern he has about joining when I get the call is- what if he doesn't pass the second time? You read stories of people who actually do worse the 2nd time around. There's no way he would go back a third time, so that leaves us with an unhappy EFM. There is some work he could explore at post, but he wants to have a meaningful career, too.

But suddenly the option of not doing this at all is on the table. I thought we were past that. The thought of dropping the whole idea and settling into our boring NY life is unbearable. After being offered the world, I don't know how I'll ever live with staying here. I do work in NYC and am surrounded by people who do international work and love to travel, but it's not the same.

And even if he does come around and decide to try again, we're still looking at a year or two if we want to join at the same time. I was hoping to get on the register this summer and get the call this fall. Optimistic, yes. I probably wasn't taking into account my husband's clearance which would probably take longer than mine.

It could still happen, but is it worth the gamble my husband would be taking?

Not this year.

I'm sad to say he didn't pass. He was so damn close. He passed only the SI and not GE or CM. It makes no sense to him, because he led his GE and thought for sure it went great. He felt good about the CM, too, but in my opinion, that's a big fat mystery.

I want to thank everyone for the good wishes on his behalf.

Fingers crossed...

Today is going to be a long, long day...good luck honey!!!

Thanks for all the good wishes from fellow bloggers out there!

Heading to DC

My husband will be making his way to DC in a few hours. I feel for him because he is so nervous that his stomach in knots. I know that he feels that our dream is on the line and that he'll be letting me down if he doesn't pass. He also really wants to pass for him- to feel that he can accomplish something prestigious and because he has become so excited about being an Economic officer (and about leaving his current job).

I gave him a pep talk last night, but I guess another is due tonight. 8 months ago, I thought that even if I passed the QEP, there was no way we would pursue this dream because he wasn't on board. I feel so lucky that he came around and now is as excited about this opportunity as I am. So if it takes us a year or two to make this happen, hey, it's not ideal, but it's manageable. I mean, what other dream job allows you to interview over and over again?

Drive safely, sweetie, and good luck. You'll do great, and I love you no matter the outcome. 

Just need a happier recent blog post

Just counting the days until Friday when D takes the OA.

His SOI is done. His SF-86, he assures me, is done.

He's still doing case mgmt exercises. After my experience with the CM, I kind of feel that's a lost cause, but hey, everyone's different. I'm a speed reader and a great writer but I think my downfall was my wimpy advice. He's a slow reader but probably smarter and more decisive than me.

We're trying to find some time to practice SI questions and hypos. No time.

I'm looking forward to just knowing, so that we can plan the next step of this endless process.

Some sad news from a friend is diverting me from my normal one track mind trajectory. She doesn't read this yet, but I'm sending her love.

Anyway, it's a glorious spring day and things look so much better from this vantage point.

Attack in Pakistan

An attack on the U.S. Consulate in Peshawar, Pakistan.
It's just so senseless and tragic.
I don't have any words.

Welcome, Spring!

Oh, there is just nothing like the first few spring weekends in NYC. Today it hit 74 degrees. Anything feels possible when it's that sunny and warm!

My husband spent most of the weekend prepping for the OA, so I was with the kids. On Sat. I met my childhood friend and her kids at a park in Dumbo (Brooklyn). Glorious. And today we visited a local playground and played outside. It's so exciting that this year, I can sit in a chair reading or relaxing (gasp!) and only have to intervene with my kids every few minutes. Now that L is almost 2, she is slightly self-sufficient and doesn't get into as much trouble as last year. I don't have to hover over her. Who hoo!

This is the week! D takes the OA on Friday.

So really I just wanted to say, Welcome, Spring!

One Track Mind

Honestly, even I'm getting tired of myself. All I think about these days is the Foreign Service. I've been known to have an obsessive mind, but usually the obsession peters out in a few weeks or months (the exception being pregnancy and new mommy-hood). But this has been going on for about a year, and frankly, I'm tired of thinking about it. Yet I love thinking about it, and reading about it, and obsessing over it. And I don't think I'm that uncommon.

So I'm just going to admit that I am obsessed. When I am alone with my thoughts, they always go back to the FS. What would it be like to live in x country? When will I get on the register? When might I realistically get "the call"? How should I tackle all the crap in the basement to get ready for packout?

There is one thing I should concentrate on right now: the Spanish test. I need a book to help me review grammar on the train. And I need to set up conversation partners. But it's more fun to dream about my future posts.

And since I LOVE organizing (seriously!), my goal is to take this spring/summer to get all our crap organized. The basement, the photos, the filing cabinet, all the baby stuff that I need to sell, etc. I figure with that and enjoying the summertime, I can't go crazy with the waiting. Frankly, if they called me right now, I would not be ready!

But really. I'm tired of myself and my one track mind.

Update from Juarez

The New York Times is reporting that a gang member arrested for the Juarez murders of 3 people related to the U.S. Consulate said they were targeting Arthur Redelfs, the husband of Consulate employee Lesley Enriquez, because he worked for the El Paso County Jail and had apparently "menaced" some of their gang members there.

The U.S. doesn't seem totally convinced by this argument, but if true, it means that 1) these victims weren't targeted because of their affiliation with the U.S. consulate, and 2) Jorge Salcido Ceniceros, the Mexican husband of consulate employee Hilda Antillon, was murdered just because he was driving in a similar car. His 4 and 7 year old children saw their father killed and were hurt themselves (I wish I knew how badly and if they are ok physically) just because of a case of mistaken identity.

I have been so devastated by these crimes (of course, I don't mean to imply that my sadness approximates what is being felt by family members, friends, and FSOs connected to these victims). As a mom, thinking about children witnessing their parents' murders is unbearable. I am grateful that the couple's baby was young enough not to understand or remember. As an FS candidate, I was terrified by this news. 2 days earlier, I had spent an hour researching Mexican border posts and thinking that many of them would be perfect first posts for our family- close to U.S. grocery stores, attractions, and other amenities, but living in Mexico, a country I love. So the timing was scary for me.

My husband put it well. He said, "this week, work was really tough, and I thought, 'my job sucks.' Then, as I pumped water out of our flooding basement, I thought, 'my house sucks.' Then, when I heard this news, I thought, 'my dream sucks.'"

I feel guilty being glad about this news, that he was targeted for being a Sheriff's officer, instead of related to a Consular worker. I have never really thought about the danger law enforcement personnel face every day. I don't know anyone who's a police officer; it's never really come up in my daily life. Today I am grateful for their work and sacrifice and again send my condolences to the grieving families of these victims.