First Harvest

Today we harvested one of our first garden veggies- radishes don't really count, since we don't really eat them; we just grow them for the speed of it (~3 weeks). It was a "really, really big!" cucumber! They both wanted to hold it.

green pep, sugar snap peas,cucumber, basil, marigolds, lettuce, spinach, cilantro, swiss chard

That's swiss chard next to him.

Of course L didn't actually EAT the cucumber...

A new plan

I spent the weekend preparing myself for not passing the test. I truly appreciate all the supportive comments both here and in person, but I like to be realistic, and I really think there's no way.

I'm proud of myself, though, because in just a few weeks, I got my grammar and ease of speaking back up to par. I know if it was based on the first part of the test, or a more normal conversation about life, I would pass. But frankly, I hate abstract conversations in English too. Try to talk to me about spirituality and I will politely ease myself out of the conversation. My downfall was in not preparing for this part. I should have listed 30 abstract topics and made myself discuss them for 5 minutes, first in English, then in Spanish. I got nervous because I wasn't prepared for this part. Next time, I'll be ready.

The truth is that joining a fall A100 class is not great timing, for a few reasons:

1) we would have to scramble insanely to get our house ready to sell within a month. Even the thought is painful. And it probably wouldn't have sold in time, which means I would have moved to VA by myself with the kids, and left my husband behind to keep working in order to afford the mortgage. I know A100 is crazy and I would have been exhausted, but it was the only option, given my husband's insane hours.

2) My boss, a prominent NYC physician, is probably going to move to a new location for the first time in 8 years. Let's just say that my leaving in the middle of it would not have gone over well. She doesn't know anything about the FS (my security investigators were kind enough to interview coworkers instead). As much as I don't like the job or her, I would've felt pretty bad about that.

3) The kids just adjusted to their new daycare. More change so soon would be really hard on them.

So now it's looking like I'll take the test again in December. I'm hearing rumors that hiring may decrease in FY11, so this could get a lot more difficult.

While my mom was here over the weekend, I asked her advice about getting through MORE waiting, especially since the thought of another NY winter makes me so depressed. My mom happens to be a psychologist as well as an awesome mama.

Her main advice was to try to take care of ourselves through this. Find a way to exercise. Eat well. And keep working gradually on my Spanish, rather than waiting until November to gear up again. Ok. I can do these things.

I'm also thinking about going to language school in Central America for a week- I can't believe how cheap language school is! I'm not really sure if I need it or if it would be possible to leave the kids given my husband's schedule, but I think I'll start doing some research. It will give me a break from my obsession with FS. Any recommendations? My Peace Corps volunteer brother is in Nicaragua right now at a language school (yes, it all runs in the family- I'm so proud!) so he'll have the inside scoop for me.

And maybe this fall I'll finally make plans to go cross country skiing after years of wanting to try it....I won't be doing that when I get assigned to San Jose!

It's done. Now I wait.

Well, I am not feeling terribly optimistic about my Spanish test. The first part went great. It was conversational and friendly. We talked about where I'm from, difference between NY and DC, my job, health care reform and the insurance situation, etc. I was feeling good and was using subjunctive and conditional like crazy. I tripped on a few words but otherwise it went great.

Then suddenly the tester asked me to talk about an abstract topic and I just floundered. I just couldn't really define it in English OR Spanish, and frankly, it's not that hard of a topic. I kept saying the same phrases over and over again. I even asked them to give me another topic, and instead they gave me some more ideas of what to talk about. I added a few more sentences/ideas, but was still floundering. The tester then asked me some follow up questions to what I said, and I don't think I answered her fully. I was flustered.

With the way things were going, I was expecting to have the third part of the test, where they ask me to translate into English, but they abruptly ended the test. So that means it was obvious that I was a pass or fail. I'm leaning towards fail.

I'm bummed. But glad I only have to wait about a week to know. And glad I gave it a try, just in case I pulled it off for September.

Thanks everyone for all the support. Tune in next week.

3 more days

Just counting down until my Spanish test on Friday, and trying to temper my dreams of a September A100 with the reality that it could go either way. I might pull it off or I might not. It will be disappointing not to pass, but I'm lucky that I can try again in 6 mos and will obviously know that I need to put more effort into it.

I am lucky that I have language skills to draw on- many of my colleagues with passing scores on the lower end must either start all over from the beginning of the FS process, and hope to get a higher OA score, or learn a brand new, difficult language from scratch in 18 mos. My hat is off to all of them. Honestly, I'm not sure I would score any higher on the OA if I took it again. The case management exercise completely did me in, and I thought my group exercise performance was really strong. I could probably improve the interview portion, but perhaps not. So in my mind, Spanish is the way to go. I'm not far from a 3, I think (hope).

So for now, it's all Spanish, all the time. My sweet husband downloaded these BBC Mundo podcasts for me - thank you honey! I admit that until a few days ago, I did not understand what a podcast was. I'm glad to finally get it, and honestly, it's really cool! I understand about 90% of the news I'm listening to. And since the only reading time I have is on the train, I am printing out articles for my commute, too. I must say there is a lot of interesting stuff happening in the world right now, and it's fun to be so on top of it.

For those who aren't aware, apparently the Spanish phone test (can't speak to other languages) is very focused on world events, so you have to know what's going on in the news and be able to formulate opinions on it. Frankly, I don't know how to combat drug violence in Mexico, and if I did, I probably would be doing something else with my life, but I need to figure out a good 30 second response to questions like that. I realized recently that perhaps the problem isn't necessarily my Spanish, but that I don't really know how I would answer these questions in English. So I'm preparing on all fronts.

That's all for now.

FAQ for my friends and family

I recently let the cat out of the bag regarding my blog, so welcome, friends and family!

So I thought I'd back up a little bit and let you know where I am in the process and what it all means, by answering a few Frequently Asked Questions.

What's the latest with the FS?
I've been added to the Consular register, which means I have been fully cleared (medical and security) and deemed eligible to be hired by the State dept. 

So does that mean you'll get an offer soon?
Well, it depends. Candidates are ranked on these registers according to their scores on the Oral Assessment (which I took in February). My score was on the lower end of the range, so anyone with a higher score will get an offer before me.

However, I am taking a Spanish phone test next Friday. If I pass, my score will receive a bump (from 5.4 to 5.57) and I will be much more likely to receive an offer. If I don't pass, I must wait 6 months and can try again. While I really, really hope to pass, waiting another 6 mos after such a long journey already doesn't feel like the end of the world. Ask me again in the middle of winter, though, and I will surely feel differently.

Do they give you an offer to go to a certain country?
No. I will (hopefully) receive an offer to join a 5-week training class, called A-100. A new class is offered roughly eight times a year. At the end of the class, I would find out my assignment in a ceremony called "Flag Day."

You'll probably go to Latin America, given your Spanish, right?
A Latin American post is our first choice, given the children's familiarity with the language, culture, and food. However, we agree to go where the Foreign Service needs us, and the possibility of living in countries all over the world is one thing that attracts us to the FS. My assignment would depend on many factors, one of which is timing. If all the Spanish speaking vacancies have language training built into the timeline, I would not qualify for them since I already speak Spanish (relatively well). I would either be assigned to study a different language (Portuguese and Arabic are high on my list), sent to an English-speaking country (I'm hoping Manila is in my near future), or assigned to a year post in Washington, DC.

Here's a little peek into my assignment dreams...

The unofficial motto of the FS is "it depends,"so whatever I say can change at anytime and depends on a wide variety of factors. :)

What about your husband, D?
As many of you know, he too took the Oral Assessment in April. He came VERY close to passing. Unfortunately, he must now begin the process all over again and will retake the written test in October.
If I get the call, though, he is pretty excited about saying goodbye to 15+ hour days and relentless pressure at his current job. During our first post, he plans to write a book and a screenplay and explore his many entrepreneurial ideas.

I am very grateful to him for entertaining my crazy idea, listening to me obsess over it for a year, encouraging me every step of the way, and actually agreeing to go forward with this adventure.

What about the kids? How will they handle all the moving around? What about their schooling?
The children will go to terrific schools paid for by the State dept. This is one of the many benefits of the FS lifestyle. I hope they will learn to adapt to changes. They (especially M) are not great at it now, but it's something they will need to learn. I hear from FS families that their children are incredibly resilient.

What will you actually DO as a Foreign Service Officer? 
Oh yea, that. This old post will help explain.

If you're interested in more details of the long FS application process, there's this...


I think that is plenty for now, don't you? If you have other questions, please feel free to ask! Thanks for visiting!

Added to Consular Register!

I am thrilled to report that I have been added to the Con register. As of today, I'm ranked 60/117, which is nothing to write home about, but I'm glad to be there.

I must say that the letter they send to inform you is cool. The return address is:

THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
------
OFFICIAL BUSINESS

If I ever make it in, that will surely become old hat, but for now, it does provide a thrill.

I heart routine

Over the last few days, we had our third set of visitors in 2 weeks- my dad, stepmom and sister in from California. The kids haven't seen them for 2 years so they were essentially new people. More new people after starting a new daycare with 50 new people last week.

Let's just say the kids were a little challenging. Luckily, my family seemed to understand that their behavior was not normal, but it was still a bit mortifying when my son was rude to them. I really pride myself on my kids' nice manners. Baby L took the more conventional approach of throwing two year old tantrums, to the point that my dad actually asked if she had a fever. 

We also discovered L's future calling as an opera singer. Apparently, when she is overtired and hasn't taken a nap, instead of falling asleep in the car on the way home, she prefers to sing loudly, non-stop, for at least an hour. My dad, who was trying to take a nap, appreciated it greatly. That part was pretty hilarious.

But we made it to Manhattan, the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, and Rye Playland, so we had some fun despite ourselves. It was wonderful spending time with my family, especially my 20yo sister, whom I haven't seen in years. The kids really liked the Statue of Liberty, remembering it from the Wonder Pets episode where the pigeon gets stuck on the crown. "Look mama, it's a Statue a livery!"

Anyway, despite my love of change and mixing it up, I'm glad that we will be lying low for the next few weeks. We need to get into a routine and stay there for a little bit.

Lunch update

Just some thoughts about our new lunch adventures (who am I writing this for- me or you? It is fun for me; am I kidding myself that anyone out there really cares?)

I have to seriously give a shout out to our Foogo thermoses. I leave them in the fridge the night before, and take them out at 7am and add an ice cube. They sit inside all day, mostly untouched by the kids (they prefer the juice bottle), and when I pick them up at 6pm, the water is STILL COLD! Now that is impressive. PLUS, they don't leak, people. Seriously, buy one. I swear I don't work for them.

The other thing I'm enjoying is my Easy Lunch Boxes. They are spacious and really make you think about providing a balanced meal. Despite the comprehensive excel spreadsheet I made of lunch/snack ideas (am I anal or what?), I am struggling to fill them each day with diverse options. One reason might be that my kids need to expand their palates just a tad. Plus there are things baby L can't eat. But overall, I probably just need to buy more supplies. I have to send 2 snacks to school, too. It's ridiculous!

I'll have to take a pic of the kids lugging their lunchboxes to the car. They are getting a kick out of helping to pack them and seeing what's inside.

So these days I get up at 5am to make lunches and water the garden. I'm in bed by 10:30/11pm after doing Spanish class or conversation. I am tired! I'm glad the test is soon, because I can't do this for long.

Getting better

Not much time (I actually have some work to do!) but wanted to update the blog with something happier. Yesterday when I brought the kids home, they were perfectly fine. I gave them extra snuggles and kisses, but they did great. They have been starving all week and ate a ton at dinner. I'm upping their lunchbox offerings but also secretly a little glad they are more hungry for dinner- this means they eat everything on their plates!

A pep talk from my mom helped today. She just reassured me that transitions take a while and that their behavior is pretty typical.

This morning, M said to me, "I'm sad. I miss my old school and R" (R is the son of his old daycare provider, whom he played with every day for 3 years). I was so proud of him for verbalizing his feelings! Then he said, "I hate change." I found myself thinking, 'you might be doing a lot of it soon...'

But then the dropoff this morning was a nightmare, with them both crying and clinging to me. That so sucks. But we're used to that. Even at the old daycare, they used to cry sometimes.

We'll be alright, I think. Thanks to Naoma for the kind, thoughtful comment. I so appreciate it.

Worrying about the kids

The kids were a wreck when I got them home today. L was running in circles crying, wouldn't let me comfort her for quite a while. Screamed for a bottle and then finally settled down while we read a story. M was more fragile than usual, cried many times, and needed lots of snuggles. When I finally got them seated and eating dinner, he threw a fit for about 20 min because I had removed the skin from his chicken leg.

I know kids act up during transitions. M's response seemed much more normal than L's, though. She was just thrashing around on the floor crying for mama, but wouldn't let me hold her. Ok, she's been known to do this, but I still don't understand why she wouldn't let me comfort her.

I'm just worried this new daycare isn't the right place for them. I don't know if they get enough attention. They come home with dirty hands and faces from the playground; shouldn't the staff wash the kids' hands when they get inside?

My kids have been in childcare since they were infants. But for 3 (2 for L) years, they have been with one woman who doted on them. I just can't tell whether it's a normal reaction to a change from basically a nanny situation to a FT daycare, or whether there's something wrong with this place. How will I know? How long do I give them to adjust? I just felt sick today as I tried to help them. I know if I felt good about this choice, I wouldn't have felt so sad.

Slowly, slowly doesn't prevent you from getting there...(I hope!)

Sannu, sannu, ba ta hana zuwa. Slowly, slowly, doesn't prevent you from getting there.

This is the first Hausa proverb we were taught in PC language training. And oh how fitting it is- both for language learning and for the FS process.

I am inching closer: received my medical clearance on Monday. So now I'm waiting for that magical snail mail register letter. And then, of course, I wait some more!

Well, actually, in the meantime, I SHOULD be working my you-know-what off for my Spanish exam, but I'm still waiting for the motivation thing to kick in. Any day now. With the help of this self-assessment,  I have realized that I am probably a 2 or a 2+, but I'm hoping to make them believe I'm a 3.

Last night our real estate agent came over to talk about the market, options, and give us a kick in the b--- to start getting our house in order. The house was even messier than usual, which was a bit mortifying, but the bottom line is still that we need to declutter. I think the good news is that the market isn't as terrible as we assumed (but if we sell, it will surely still be below what we paid).

As for decluttering. Um, yes, I knew we had to work on that. B Husband? Need your help here. One working mom vs. one hard-working husband and two preschoolers is an unfair ratio.

So we'll be making some to-do lists, my favorite thing to do! And hopefully actually crossing things off.

But first, for goodness' sake, Bfiles, get off the blogs and start reading some Spanish newspapers or something!!!

Living vicariously...

I just love reading about Flag Day and wondering where all the new bloggers are going! I think if I ever experience it personally I will keel over from nerves before the event. Actually, I know what I'll do- I'll get sick. The morning we closed on our house, I was so nauseous I thought I was getting sick and had to lie down. Once we signed the papers, my illness mysteriously disappeared. This has happened many times during stressful moments.

Anyway, according to my count there are May class bloggers going to Nairobi, Kenya; Luanda, Angola; Cairo, Egypt; and Frankfurt, Germany. Am I missing any? What awesome posts!

update: I've also heard of Sanaa, Yemen; Beirut, Lebanon; and La Paz, Bolivia (tandem).

Deep breath

Last week was crazy. I took off two days to transition the kids to a new daycare, thinking it would be rather quiet and tranquil. Instead, it was nonstop action. I was also planning for M's birthday party this past Saturday, which involved 40+ guests in our backyard.

The kids did pretty well at the new place. In fact, M didn't seem interested in his last week of his old school; it seems like he's transitioned in his mind. I expected my baby L to freak out at the new school, since she has the tendency to yell when strangers approach, but she even let me leave her for a few hours and did not seem too traumatized by it all.

I'm not thrilled with this new place. They will be safe and cared for, but I don't think they will be very stimulated. The toys suck and the teachers are just babysitters- they don't get down and play with the kids or teach them things.

But it's right for right now. I now have to do both drop off and pick up and since I commute into the city, I literally can't have them at different sites. It's bright and clean and welcoming. It has a nice backyard. They take safety seriously. I just think that come fall, M might be bored. We'll see if we're still here and adjust accordingly.

It was just a stressful week for all of us. M is acting out a bit and I felt totally overwhelmed. I cried at our temple preschool when we said goodbye to M's teachers. Because of logistics and money, we just can't send him there next year.

I think that if I'm going to join the FS, I'm going to have to toughen up a bit and be better able to deal with chaos and lots of changes at once.

Here are a few pics from the party. I'm coveting my friend's camera with which these were taken.

Happy Birthday to my big boy!

This blog background is in honor of my son who turns 4 today. He has a lovey, his "ginky," which is "blue with white clouds." In case you're wondering, he plans to love his ginky for "one hundred six seventy." Which is also the amount of time he plans to love me, thankfully, because apparently it's a long time.

M is such a sweetheart. He tumbled out of bed this morning, bleary eyed, and came over to me, asking, "Mama, am I four yet?"

Like so many things with parenting, I now understand why people talk about not wanting their babies to grow up. In my case, it means knowing that his sweetness and gentle nature can't last forever. He's going to have to toughen up a bit. Soon he'll learn that snuggling his ginky isn't exactly cool.

But for now, he's still my snugglebear and I am struck with how much I love him. Happy birthday to my sweet boy.

(this is a picture from when he was 2.5. I'll have to find a more recent one when I get home.)