It feels like it was by the skin of my teeth. I had heard the tester spoke very quickly and with a strong accent, so I thought I was ready to fight my way through the test. But I was so keyed up by the time I got in there that when he opened his mouth and I didn't understand a word, I totally broke down. I started to cry and couldn't stop. They got me some tissues and then left for five minutes to let me compose myself. I sat there telling myself- you can do this!
When they came back, I pushed through, sighing with relief each time we finished a different section. Every once in a while, I would freak out again but was able to push it away and keep going. The reading was a whole different beast and I was frustrated that it was nothing like the readings we had practiced, but I did the best I could.
As I sat in the waiting room waiting to learn my score, I was a mess...wondering if I failed both parts or just one, thinking about what it meant for my plans (really not a big deal), wishing I could control my nerves better. When they brought me back in and told me my score (2 in speaking and 1 in reading), I couldn't believe I passed, and of course, that made me cry anew.
While I don't know that my performance that day really was deserving of that score, I know that the past nine months are. I have worked pretty hard, about as hard as I could work while also being a mom and trying to take care of myself.
Out of my cohort of 10, 9 passed, with scores including 2+/2+ and 2/2 in addition to the minimum passing score, 2/1. I find that interesting, since we all started from 0, but absorbed the language at different rates. I don't think scores correlated with how hard we worked or how much extra time we put into it, though that extra time didn't hurt. Innate language ability plays a huge role. In some ways, that bothers me, because I have always been pretty good at languages, yet I was not one of the shining stars this time. But one thing I know is that I move slowly - it takes me a while to conquer things- so I'm hopeful that by the time I leave China, my Chinese level will have improved greatly. We'll see.
The day after my test, I had LASIK, so I've been recovering from that while also trying to prepare for packout (in two days). Since we don't have all our stuff here (only about 1000 pounds), I'm not too worried about it. Plus, we have time during home leave to organize things further. But maybe that's why I can't sleep. :)
4 comments:
Oh man. I can completely relate to being so keyed up that you just start crying. I just love you B! I was the same way when they called me back in to give me my score. Just entering the room and them shutting the door again, I started crying. And I didn't even need to get a score! Well done, well done. I'm so happy to be your friend!
Congrats again, B! I've always known you can do it! Your story reminded me of the case management portion of the FSOA. At one point, I stared blankly at the screen and was convinced I was too nervous and too confused to write anything reasonable, let alone a memo. I collected myself and started over again with the memo. Little did I know it was actually one of the sections I passed! Our nerves can be our enemies, and we must conquer it. Again, well done!
Those tests are so stressful! I too love languages but being this stressed out is not good. I remember being totally freaked out during my Hindi test, and I wasn't even an officer yet then. Same thing for my Bulgarian test and Bulgarian is my first language. I just kept thinking I know this but it's hard. Plus there's no telling which way the testers will go during the test. It is not a warm and fuzzy experience.
thanks for the positive words ladies! Yang, I had a similar reaction to the CM although I did not pass that section! :)
Daniela that makes me feel better, isn't it funny that you can even get freaked out about your own language?
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