I realized this weekend I need to become better at entertaining. There are people I want to see, but before I invite someone over I have to make sure I have the energy and time to declutter the house, prepare a menu, go shopping, and prepare the meal. Often, I just don't have the energy and I end up not inviting them. Here in Santo Domingo there aren't that many cheap or free activities, so if I want to meet up with someone outside the home, it usually entails spending some money at a restaurant or a playspace. And we're trying to save money. So...I really need to become better at entertaining. I need to learn how to chill out or invite people just for a playdate that involves minimal effort. It's just...I hate to be getting closer to mealtime and not have food to feed people! I really can't throw together a meal I would want to serve to guests....so I start to stress about the fact that I'm a terrible host and can't invite them to stay for dinner because I don't have anything to feed them!
And the stress definitely increases if I'm thinking about inviting Dominicans over! At least with Americans, I know for the most part where I stand. But I have some potential new Dominican friends and I'm terrified to invite them to my home! I don't know what to feed them or how! They are all more wealthy than us, and so the stress just intensifies. I don't think I'll be doing that anytime soon.
I have had very successful dinner parties and brunches which I enjoy hosting...but they are something I prefer to do every 3-6 mos, not regularly. I think that in less developed posts (where there is little to do in town or it's not safe to be out and about), entertaining at home is even more common. How have you handled this aspect of life in the Foreign Service or just trying to entertain more, if you are not a natural entertainer??
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6 comments:
I think the key is not to think too much about "entertaining" and "dinner parties" and more about "having people over for dinner."
When I lived with my sister in DC we would throw a big fancy dinner party four times a year with 3 or 4 courses and hors d'oeuvres and themed decor for 8 people. Time and ingredient constraints make that sort of thing much more daunting in Conakry, so it's more about making a pot of chili and just having some friends over. I'm making the chili anyway, so I may as well invite people to help me eat it.
And when I have "entertained" I've done more informal snack-and-cocktail parties. I also participated in a progressive dinner with my neighbors on the compound, which was a more formal sit-down affair but was easier because three of us split the work.
And remember, your guests aren't really there for the food or the fancy folded napkins. They're there for you. :-)
Oh, I am RIGHT THERE WITH YOU. I am so intimidated by hosting anything. We've had American friends over for burgers several times, and that is about the speed of "entertaining" we seem to be capable of. I'd love to have my local friends over, just like you mention, but how? Maybe they'd be just as willing to experience something new and cultural as you would be willing to provide it? :) One thing I've thought about is having our housekeeper come later one day and stay later to help out with cooking and serving. I've seen that done at local friends' homes. So far I don't have a good answer or experience to draw on for you - but if we manage to pull something off, I'll let you know! Good luck to all of us!
I totally relate. I'm kind of introverted and would much rather blend into social gatherings than facilitate everything and kind of being the central person. But, like you said, in less developed posts there's not a ton to do so most social stuff is at homes. After a while I was starting to feel guilty about attending events but not hosting myself. I finally decided that it's okay if I don't host a full-fledged dinner party and instead just do lower key stuff that's less stressful to me: inviting people over to watch football, play games, etc. It's the thought that counts, I think!
Living overseas for 3 back to back to back tours helped me tremendously become comfortable entertaining. So much so that it doesn't even cross my mind to have 20+ people over and not stress out anymore ...
My suggestion is to just keep doing it. Because the more you do it, the easier it becomes.
And if you ever need any suggestions - such as presentation or menus, let me know!
As you know, I'm one of those freaks who loves entertaining. One of the biggest lessons I can pass on is to make sure your menu is hands free- You don't want people to feel like you're stressed. You should be having fun too. So try to have everything ready with very minimal last minute prep once people arrive. And- you know what? if it's not your thing- it's not your thing. My god- I could never do what you all do and I always have to remind my guests (FSOs) of that. I fully agree with Alex and Meredith- make a big pot of soup, a nice loaf of bread, and invite some people over- trust me, they'll be THRILLED to be invited somewhere! Ultimately it's about the company and experience way more than the food!
My mom gave me some advice as I was serving dinner one time: "Clean up your kitchen, Chelsea! Your guests want to think what they're eating is sanitary!" It's good advice.
Also, in college, I'd always fill everyone's beverage glasses full to the brim with water. Then I'd put juice or soda or whatever on the table. (I'm a Mormon, so those were the beverages I served with dinner.) Then if my guests wanted to drink something nice, they were already quenched with water and wouldn't drink so much of my juice. Don't worry, not all Mormons are as stingy as that. ;)
Seriously, though, I second what Meredith said about just "having people over for dinner." If you're in a foreign country, it might be a cool cultural experience for your guests to see how dinners go in your home.
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